Stuck in the middle with you.

As I began to take everything in, I noticed the two halves. Black and white, left and right, East and West. Seperating the two was a thin fence. I didn’t enjoy being too much on one side or the other as I felt they both could be wrong. I sat on the fence, precariously balancing taking in the black, white, left, right, east and west. It is not easy to balance on the fence. It was easy to fall to one side and was hard to climb back up again.

Conflict will always happens at the fence. The differences ironing each other out. I felt overwhelmed having to balance, be a mediator and to seperate the warring factions. It was tiring and much of the time I felt alone. But in and amongst the factions I saw more and more people making their way to the fence. They shook hands, turned around and faced their factions with courage preventing their side from attacking the other. Eventually more and more came to the fence and I noticed the fence was no longer a fine line impossible to balance on. People began becoming the fence and the fence grew. It grew from the centre out, until the entire area of black, white, left, right, east and west became the fence – Became the people.

This is synthesis. Transformation. And it starts at the centre, the heart of the individual and works its way out. Eventually affecting others.

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God

mosh

God is music. It causes something to stir within the human particles within its universe or sphere of influence.
The particles begin moving, thrashing and colliding until they coalesce into a sea of varying waves of expression.
A particle does not necessarily realise the awesomeness of this until they take a moment to change perspective and try take in and observe the living universe in its perceived entirety.
What do they see?

This image is not my own.
This image is not my own.

They see a sea if different bodies expressing themselves accordingly; but collectively, they are the expression of the music itself and it is the music that determines the quality and character of life in that universe.
But what the particles don’t all realise is that God has different expressions and although many worship music, others worship literature and art, and if you look a bit more carefully, you will find God everywhere.
Not all particles understand that music, literature, art and all the other Gods also have Gods, as do those Gods and so on and so forth.
This is the best I can perceive eternity.
So…
What God do you worship and more importantly, what kind of God are you?

What am I?

Every now and then a stranger is interested in my nationality or what race I am. The conversation usually goes something similar to this:
“So where are you from?”
“Cape Town, born and bred.”
“And your parents?”
“I think they were both born in Port Elizabeth.”
“Oh, so what nationality are you?”
“South African”
Eventually the conversation withers down to “Chinese”.
This got me thinking, what am I? Anyone who knows me well, knows I am the furthest thing from chinese, apart from eating the food. But, hell, I got a friend who is British and he enjoys it too. I don’t speak it or practice any cultural celebrations. If I had to be honest, I don’t feel a strong connection to my heritage. Does this make me bad? Is it really that sad? Because I don’t have pride for a country I haven’t even been to? So, am I Chinese?
Am I South African? Yes. But mainly because of location, it’s the name of the country I was born and live in. But do I believe in and support what the leadership that represents South Africa? No, but I love where I live. So, am I South African?
Am I Capetonian? Yes, but only because where it is situated on the map, but if it were named differently I’d also be whatever it were called.
So, What am I? Am I my profession, my musical taste or hobby? I guess I’m all those things, but I’m also an effect of time. Our qualities develop & evolve through countless challenges over time. So, what am I? What are you?
Maybe our qualities should be what defines us and not labels, boundaries and borders.
Little do we know that it is the variations that keep us alive.
So what am I? I guess I’m human.

Puzzles

image

You and I are puzzles residing in a greater puzzle.
Let’s align our pieces. Make a shape to make a picture, because without us solving for our individual puzzle, we can’t expect to see the bigger picture whether that bigger picture is two puzzles or the sum total of every existing thing.

The abstract, chaotic pieces are there, we just need to make sense of them and shift them in to place, maybe then we will see not puzzles, but art – as life should be seen.

Life

This morning at 5:30 I was woken up by myself to chat with me. He said to me:

“Remember, within this objective, materialistic world of black and white in which we live, it is our ideas and thoughts that deck these forms with subjective shades. It is all of us that paint these shades of colour into life, not just one or some, but all. Not just the academic, clever and creative, but also the unfortunate, sick and condemned. Our colours will mix and bleed into others causing chaotic beauty and not all colours will harmonize for art is tragic, beautiful and challenging. Try be mindful and respectful of colours that are not of your palette, believe it or not they do tell you something even if it is seemingly abstract. Life and truth is a sum total of disgustingly gorgeous shapes and colours. Open your mind, dip your brush in a colour of thought and help paint our reality with your range and choice of colours. You are an artist, armed with a unique perspective that no one has the right to deny, just as you cannot deny that of another. It is our sum total of the objective & subjective that leads us to a paradigm which pushes, pulls & challenges us but at the fringe and periphery of this solidifying paradigm is a percentage that challenges and shifts the paradigm itself in an evolutionary movement, keeping it dynamic and alive.
Right and wrong, best and worse are objective words coloured by the opinion of perspective through experience and each experience, although humanly it may be perceived objectively, is simultaneously and uniquely subjective, as is the artist who holds the palette within.
Life is not simple, happy, sad or short, nor is it’s point the attainment of a single, tiny facet (which we have conditioned ourselves to believe is happiness). Life is a collective. We should sew and connect all the various pieces which we often see as seperate and contrary into one single picture which will bring not necessarily happiness but peace and attempt to grasp it, interact with it best we can according to our capacity which is ultimately influenced and affected by everything.
We have been creating and colouring this complex Rubik’s cube of reality, individually as well as collectively that we have forgotten to also solve for it. Solve it for your own sake. Solve it for all our sakes.”

I then dissipated, leaving myself to fall back to sleep…

A letter to my sum total

Dedicated to the desolation of Smaug…

My dearest Heart and Body,

I felt as though I should write you both this letter before we endure this journey together. I am the eldest of us and I’ve been through this process before, and I feel that perhaps these words will some how help prepare us in some unconscious way, at some point in the future.

The three of us are all separate beings, yet at the same time, we are one. We exist in a realm of free will (to some extent) and even though I have experienced this before, it is different and I too will be learning new lessons because of the two of you. Together we make up a dynamic being, both seen and unseen. We are a balance of our separate selves – a synergy, but believe me there will be times where one of us will be predominant and take lead. We will all have countless chances and we will all learn and share from each others mistakes and glories – this is what pushes and evolves us through the consequences of those results, but remember we experience it all together. We will each feel the effects of each others choices and actions. At times we may even betray each other unknowingly as we each speak different languages. You won’t understand it at first, but conditions and environment play a major part in our dynamic and being, and we each will want to react differently. Hopefully over time we will become more in tune with one another and realize we are bigger than our separate selves, then hopefully truth will shine through like a back-lit canopy casting light sparingly on the shadows of our periphery. In time hopefully we become brighter – that is my hope for us.

To my heart, you are the most sacred of things in this life, the being we want to protect the most as you are the most fragile yet malleable. Our dear Body fears for your fragility and I fear of the potential of your malleability. This will eventually cause us to disagree on certain topics and affect our decisions which we choose together and experience together. Heart, you will experience the brunt of our choices, the effect of which has the ability to shape, mend and bend you, even to the point of shattering. The effects on you affects our Body and myself in different ways. The way in which you shape is incredibly important to the sum total of us. You will break, bend and mend to varying degrees, on seemingly differing levels of importance. You must be aware of the shape you cool yourself into, because sometimes you will bend into a shape that causes cuts and wounds and if, like metal, you cool down into that serrated shape it becomes difficult to cause a fire and heat in order to be able to mend and round your vicious edges. Sometimes you may bend unwillingly, unknowingly or naively into a shape you don’t like or other hearts, bodies and souls may not like. Sometimes you won’t know any better and are at the mercy of elements in the realm of our Body. Our Body should look after you, but it too is its own being and has free will. Sometimes our Body may betray us in moments of weakness, but we should not be too hard on it as we are responsible for its conditioning. We are a dynamic synergy and we are responsible as a whole, even though we are separate free-willed beings. The catch, my dear Heart and Body, is that to learn, condition and evolve each of ourselves together as one, requires experiences which predominantly takes place in the realm of our dear and fearless Body. That is where our Body is king, just as emotion is your realm, Heart, and ideals are mine. We work separately and as one – I cannot stress this enough.

To my fearless Body, you are our doorway to the collective reality of this life. You are the youngest and less experienced of the three of us and your conditioning and quality of life is largely mine and our Heart’s responsibility. Remember, you have free will and sometimes you will not always abide to our wishes. You and our heart share a close relationship, one that I will not always understand, and I know there will be times when the two of you will conspire against me and my ideals. We each have our strengths and weaknesses, like every being in existence. I have a foresight that the two of you won’t necessarily be able to recognize and due to the lack of foresight the two of you share, you will rebel and we will lose balance within our dynamic. Hopefully we learn in those times of crises. The only way to regain balance is for the three of us to come to an unspoken compromise that can only be attained in time, experience and sacrifice. We should become purposeful and disciplined but at the same time we cannot be overly hard on ourselves and each other, as evolution takes time and to evolve means learning and to learn means the destruction of one ideal and the creation of a new, better one. That is where I serve the both of you. Within my realm time is an illusion and that is something the both of you will struggle to understand. Time is a necessity for evolution and because you don’t posses the foresight and understanding I have, the effect of time is different for you and it will cause you to make decisions and act out in ways that may not be intended, and this is where Karma works. Karma is an extraneous force and being, which the three of us won’t fully understand, but it is necessary for everyone’s evolution. No human or being of any kind is exempt from its laws. We may at times like it, or not like it but it is there. It is not about winning or losing, but learning and understanding which makes Karma one of the greatest teachers, should we be able to see and identify when it is at work…and it is always working.

Dear Body, you are physically the strongest and you bare the brunt of living in the accepted collective reality and therefore you are perceived more real than your Heart and I – this is your weakness. You have an ego and it often tells you that you are the only one that matters, this hurts your heart and myself, because there will be countless times that your ego will get in the way and distort whatever limited foresight you have, causing you to make decisions without your heart and I having any say. This is to be expected, but also realize that is not necessarily who you are. You are part of a sum total of three – you, your heart and me. Those moments of crises will come, where bad judgment and vulnerability will cause you to manifest actions that will affect not only you, but me and our precious heart too, even the hearts of other beings can be affected by your actions.
Body, you are powerful and your actions are powerful, so be careful how you express yourself as it has very real effects on us and on others. Having said that, it is mine and our Heart’s responsibility to teach and condition you and hopefully sooner rather than later your ego will wane and you will know there is more than you – that there is more than just the three of us. Sometimes we will forget that.
The past does matter and so do consequences. Why does it matter? It matters because the past, with the aid of Karma and consequences, teaches us and hopefully we learn. Hopefully I never fail the both of you with my ideals that you cannot see. Heart, hopefully with my ideals and lessons of consequences, Karma and the past, you shape yourself into a beautiful shape that is unwavering yet compassionate. This shape that you create yourself into colours and conditions our beloved body and your shape, my dearest Heart, is more so my responsibility than our Body’s. I will try not fail you, as I hope that the both of you don’t fail me, and when we do fail one another, be loving, compassionate and understanding and learn from our mistakes. We are an ecosystem. I am you and you are me, we are one, even though each of us are free.

Here’s to our voyage, to our glories, our failures and the lessons and consequences each one brings and as time passes may it bring us closer together making us evermore one, not only with each other, but with those other ecosystems and sum totals that are in existence. To those other ecosystems and sum totals of bodies, hearts and souls that may feel our effects negatively, we are truly sorry and remorseful.

Here’s to the journey, may we become more evolved and better equipped as it unfolds. I love you all.

All my love

Soul

Everything happens for a reason

I have been thinking of my mom a lot this last week. She always used to say “Everything happens for a reason”. I always thought I understood what this saying meant, but in hind sight, I don’t think I did. The way I understood things when I was younger is so very different to how I comprehend things now, even common sayings such as this one.

Everything does happen for a reason. I believe in the cosmic concept or the universal concept of give and take, or cause and effect. There are many ways to word this concept, but simply, for every action there is a reaction. Even when that cause or action goes beyond our physical perception – just because we are unable to perceive and sense it, does not mean it doesn’t exist. Our understanding is greatly limited by our experience and learnings through life, which is often based on another person’s understanding of their experiences causing them to create their own theories based on their comprehension of said experiences. As history has taught us, our initial insight began from a very narrow-minded view-point which was based on what we could perceive and understand, but gradually grew wider as time went on. Only those who dared to philosophize greater abstract theories and concepts challenged conventional views and was/is often met with aggressive resistance. Again, this doesn’t mean that those concepts are entirely incorrect, but at the same time it also doesn’t mean that it is entirely correct either. A duality exists. If these crazy, abstract concepts and ideas were not there to challenge, then evolution would never progress…or perhaps it would just be gradual until the point in time and space when the challenge is ready and necessary. To evolve means to, to some degree, break and crack that mould that has been perpetuated for however long, until some point in evolution where the status quo or paradigm shifts, due to the evolution of the concept and it’s force upon our physical plane of experience and comprehension.

If we try to follow the concept of cause and effect, eventually it will get to a point where it falls outside our accepted spectrum of comprehension, simply because we probably haven’t reached the point in our personal/collective point of evolution to fully understand the abstract concepts which we can’t see because it is beyond our human existence.
Everything happens for a reason, even if that reason lays in the blurry periphery of our comprehension. There are currents of probability and possibility that pushes and pulls at the very physical existence of what we perceive and know, and if we are able to quieten our minds and allow ourselves to be a bit more flexible and open-minded, we may just get a glimpse of the patterns that show up in our day-to-day lives and not always just pass it off as coincidence and insignificant. As humans we like things to think and see in black and white, as it is easier to identify but life is most certainly not like that. It is not one or the other, but often the synthesis of both.  Just like the colour spectrum is seemingly made of a multitude of perceivable colours, but when you spin the colour wheel the colours synthesize and produces an all encompassing white light.

What is my point? Things do happen for a reason, whether or not we are conscious of it, but I am willing to bet that once we are somewhat aware of the law of cause and effect our understanding hopefully widens and we can make appropriate decisions based on our insight which would have increased. Perhaps it is also our very human trait of noticing and identifying the obvious divisions and differences in life that, to some point, limits our mental comprehension and has its effects in our physical lives. Things are often not as obvious like a spinning colour wheel. I bet if we took the time to look closer and slow down just a bit, forget instant gratification for a few moments, we will see that things are often a lot more complicated and are made up of a few different variables, maybe we as humans can be a bit more compassionate and empathic.

All of this makes me wonder if the evolution of a concept or an idea is really any different from the evolution of human, a planet or even a solar system…