What am I?

Every now and then a stranger is interested in my nationality or what race I am. The conversation usually goes something similar to this:
“So where are you from?”
“Cape Town, born and bred.”
“And your parents?”
“I think they were both born in Port Elizabeth.”
“Oh, so what nationality are you?”
“South African”
Eventually the conversation withers down to “Chinese”.
This got me thinking, what am I? Anyone who knows me well, knows I am the furthest thing from chinese, apart from eating the food. But, hell, I got a friend who is British and he enjoys it too. I don’t speak it or practice any cultural celebrations. If I had to be honest, I don’t feel a strong connection to my heritage. Does this make me bad? Is it really that sad? Because I don’t have pride for a country I haven’t even been to? So, am I Chinese?
Am I South African? Yes. But mainly because of location, it’s the name of the country I was born and live in. But do I believe in and support what the leadership that represents South Africa? No, but I love where I live. So, am I South African?
Am I Capetonian? Yes, but only because where it is situated on the map, but if it were named differently I’d also be whatever it were called.
So, What am I? Am I my profession, my musical taste or hobby? I guess I’m all those things, but I’m also an effect of time. Our qualities develop & evolve through countless challenges over time. So, what am I? What are you?
Maybe our qualities should be what defines us and not labels, boundaries and borders.
Little do we know that it is the variations that keep us alive.
So what am I? I guess I’m human.

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18 Hours

It’s 07:39 on Monday morning. I’m standing in my kitchen because that is the only place wi-fi seems to work. I have just realized Christmas is done – Along with opening presents, good-will and cheer. The faces of the new year are slowly taking shape. It’s almost as if the dawning of stress from days that are yet to come have inverted the festive cheer and slightly twisted some people’s smiles. This year has been crazy; filled to the brim with dualities and I can’t help but reflect on the significance of some of the things I have observed, experienced and learned. For Christmas I got my notebook to scribble down my thoughts, and over the past two days I have been reflecting and scribbling. This is my final post for this year, 2013. This is me letting go and appreciating all the year had to offer. This year went by so fast – in a blink of an eye, but I learned my lessons. Enjoy the hours that are left in this year and allow me to share how I saw these past months…

18 Hours

1.
I saw ideas grow like trees;
giving breath to life and support to the living.

2.
I saw life as an ocean and myself as a library.
I saw the new year as a sunrise
but at the time I was too asleep to appreciate it.

3.
I witnessed intentions like a flame igniting wicks.
I also saw careless flames melt candles and set fire to curtains
reducing mansions to dying cinders,
but sometimes tears are stronger than fire
lifting the Phoenix from out our ashes.

4.
I learned angels can sometimes fall
and humans are able to carry them.

5.
I realized will is stronger than cancer
and souls are brighter than the shadows of love.

6.
I found expression was a direct telephone line to God;
He doesn’t speak human – so many hang-up –
but I find myself on the phone more often.

7.
I learned drum beats do more than keep melodies together
they are universes themselves
and they are waiting to be painted.

8.
I discovered how to let roses be
and how to appreciate them;
thorns and all,
because they don’t have to be plucked to be admired.

9.
I learned grey skies can block out the sun
but the rain it sometimes brings can cleanse the heaviness of souls.

10.
I discovered a half glass of water can eventually become the heaviest of burdens
and all I had to do was put it down.

11.
There were times I felt like Atlas
struggling to hold up the celestial sphere
but I saw angels and their wings beating for my heart
and the world didn’t seem so heavy.

12.
My heart was an actor
it played the role of a mirror.
Love was the sharpest of arrows and when it was released
it shattered my mirror into a thousand different pieces.
But I realized it still reflected and as I leaned in over the floor where it lay –
I found myself.

13.
I struggled to find the keys to unlock this cage
and when I found it,
I left its doors wide open,
even though the wind sometimes blows it closed.

14.
I saw expectation murder hope.
I forgave it and let it go.
My hope still lives from beyond the grave
like a ghost haunting my life.

15.
I saw egos as gardens and learned:
Some humans keep them tidy and beautiful,
others don’t.

16.
I saw words as more than merely letters
and sentences more than these words.
They were ancient pin pricks of light
like stars piercing the blanket of night,
making it more than just heavy but beautiful too.

17.
I observed seasons in everything;
from harsh stormy winters to beautiful lush summers
and depending where one is located in life,
we sometimes see winters all year-long.

18.
I felt this year was a day.
Every two hours – a month.
I slept for at least six of those hours,
but I’m awake now.
I saw the hours for what they were
and now I await for a beautiful sunrise.

 

Wishing you ALL a happy safe New Year. Although your year may have been incredibly shite, reflect on what you have experienced and hopefully you can take away something positive from the negative. Remember that truth is a bigger duality and we are often too small to see it, we get glimpses and slices which we see as good or bad. There is no right and wrong, only lessons and I do hope you have all learned yours. All the best for 2014.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Right now

Right now,
I feel like being sucked up
out into a great abyss of existence.
Where I’m stretched so thin that all of me permeates the universe on every level conceivable.
I want to get a feel for truth.
I want to feel it on the tips of my fingers across light years of nebula and supernova.
I want to close my eyes and fall asleep to the feelings and sounds of existence.
As if it were water
so I can slowly sink and drown in what is.

Existential questioning

Existentialism

Are we a collection of experiences and memories?

Or are we the lessons of those experiences?

Perhaps to fully appreciate an experience, one needs to take something away from it. A lesson.

Maybe that lesson from the experience becomes your memory, something you can draw from, at a future date.

Are forgotten memories perhaps experiences unlearned?

Is experience  a lesson waiting to become a memory?

Is it these experiences and memories that make up our identity or individuality?

So, are we a collection of experiences?

Or is perhaps our entire existential life one experience?

Will we be able to take away the lesson from our life, or will we be forced to learn again?

A thought on synchromysticism, expression and projection

Lately I have been doing a fair amount of writing and reading, which has led to much thinking. The other day I had a thought about entertainment, and how each movie, song or book (whether fictional or not) is an expression of the subject, which begins as inspiration either by external stimuli, or a thought/idea. I then started thinking about synchromysticism, which is, according to Wiktionary is:

The drawing of connections in modern culture (movies, music lyrics, historical happenings and esotericknowledge); and finding connections that could be coming from the “collectiveunconsciousmind“; and finding connections between occult knowledge (i.e. esotericfraternitiescults and secretrituals), politics and mass media.

Is it possible to read into the mass expressions of various people and cultures, their art, movies, etc and draw some conclusion on what is happening in our reality? This is of course a pretty big hypothetical, but just entertain my thought for a few minutes…

I’m sure you will all agree with me that there are basic principles, or laws of existence for anything to exist, for example, for every action there is a reaction. A basic principle. The content of the majority of movies, series, books, all abide to logic, that is to say they are not random images and audio spliced together. The plot of the story may be fictional, but the characters and the plot all take place in a logical way, as opposed to a movie being completely random, or nonsensical. If there are enough of these  expressive slices of logic from a wide, multitude of subjects, other than yours, then could it be possible to deduct a greater picture of reality?

Or perhaps another question we should ask ourselves is, what is and where does inspiration and imagination come from, or where does it exist? I have read articles by scientists who cannot definitely pinpoint where memory is kept, some even suggesting that it is outside of the brain. Is memory, imagination and inspiration (apart from external inspiration due to stimuli) all in our brain chemistry or is there credibility to an Akashic records? The Akashic records is term used in Theosophy and Anthroposophy to describe a non-physical plane of existence, where it is said that ALL knowledge of the cosmos, human existence and history are all contained, and is possible to interact with. This concept was popularized in theosophical movement of the 19th century and is actually derived from Hindu philosophy of Samkhya.

Could this be where we draw ideas and inspiration from? Could our global, collective expression simply be a projection of this non-physical plane of existence? What really made me think about it was something I read while I was researching about the ego, and I came across a piece of writing which spoke about ego and spirituality. The author (whose name completely escapes me) described an analogy of what spirit and of what God possibly is. They described spirit as the ocean and our individual living experience as the different waves, all part of the greater ocean, but made of individual experiences. Thus God would be our collective experience. If our art and expression is a slice of experience, would it be ridiculous to think that one can obtain a greater picture of our existence here on earth?

This is just a thought I desperately wanted to write down and get off my chest. It is an interesting subject I believe it is worth the thought…