Care so much so you don’t care at all…

I think you have to care and give a shit about something (or someone) so fucking much that you believe with every fiber in your being that you can only be that which you believe and know to be, through your day-to-day life with everyday deeds, to the point that what others believe is irrelevant to your being (unless you choose for it to be) and you start not unnecessarily concerning yourself with the opinions of others, and because you know yourself so well, you allow others to be what they want to believe themselves to be, because at the end of the day they are exactly like you – so incredibly unique and different, just like everybody else who ever existed…


We, the kaleidoscopes

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That is all we are I reckon.
All slightly different kaleidoscopes viewing various, distorted shapes of life.
I believe truth is the sum total.
Because our existence and reality is so subjective and our scope of higher-intelligent understanding is so narrow, we tend to collect little shards of truth through life via experiences.
At best we will get a slice –  A lesson of the sum total.

We then try with our conscious and subconscious effort to make sense of these shards of truth,
arranging them as we see fit and what makes sense to our subjective reality.
Due to the fact that at this point in our evolution we are so subjective and individually minded (and largely ego-centric, if you will) that we often forget that the next person experienced a different shard or slice of the sum total of truth to what you, or anyone else has.

As time goes on these collection of slices and shards take personal or subjective shape.
We are continuously shifting and moving pieces next to one another and it often seems random and abstract, because we often don’t get to experience the various wholes of the truth in one life time, but it is no less beautiful.
This kaleidoscope of mismatched, disjointed and Subjective-abstract truth looks incredible.
Full of various colours and shapes and each kaleidoscope sees a different distortion of truth.

As beautiful and entertaining as the expression of each kaleidoscope is, we must bear in mind that it is an illusion and often the real truth lies outside the scope of the kaleidoscope.
Perhaps if we were consciously and willingly to shift our perception and challenge and add to the shards we have each collected, we could put down the kaleidoscope and see reality for what it really is.

So what is my point?
We are individual entities and expressions of truth. We evolve into an individual personality, but it will get to the point where intelligence evolves too. Hopefully at that point more and more will realize with a conscious intelligence that we are individuals part of the sum total, just like we ourselves, on an individual level, are the sum total of our experiences of truth.

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18 Hours

It’s 07:39 on Monday morning. I’m standing in my kitchen because that is the only place wi-fi seems to work. I have just realized Christmas is done – Along with opening presents, good-will and cheer. The faces of the new year are slowly taking shape. It’s almost as if the dawning of stress from days that are yet to come have inverted the festive cheer and slightly twisted some people’s smiles. This year has been crazy; filled to the brim with dualities and I can’t help but reflect on the significance of some of the things I have observed, experienced and learned. For Christmas I got my notebook to scribble down my thoughts, and over the past two days I have been reflecting and scribbling. This is my final post for this year, 2013. This is me letting go and appreciating all the year had to offer. This year went by so fast – in a blink of an eye, but I learned my lessons. Enjoy the hours that are left in this year and allow me to share how I saw these past months…

18 Hours

I saw ideas grow like trees;
giving breath to life and support to the living.

I saw life as an ocean and myself as a library.
I saw the new year as a sunrise
but at the time I was too asleep to appreciate it.

I witnessed intentions like a flame igniting wicks.
I also saw careless flames melt candles and set fire to curtains
reducing mansions to dying cinders,
but sometimes tears are stronger than fire
lifting the Phoenix from out our ashes.

I learned angels can sometimes fall
and humans are able to carry them.

I realized will is stronger than cancer
and souls are brighter than the shadows of love.

I found expression was a direct telephone line to God;
He doesn’t speak human – so many hang-up –
but I find myself on the phone more often.

I learned drum beats do more than keep melodies together
they are universes themselves
and they are waiting to be painted.

I discovered how to let roses be
and how to appreciate them;
thorns and all,
because they don’t have to be plucked to be admired.

I learned grey skies can block out the sun
but the rain it sometimes brings can cleanse the heaviness of souls.

I discovered a half glass of water can eventually become the heaviest of burdens
and all I had to do was put it down.

There were times I felt like Atlas
struggling to hold up the celestial sphere
but I saw angels and their wings beating for my heart
and the world didn’t seem so heavy.

My heart was an actor
it played the role of a mirror.
Love was the sharpest of arrows and when it was released
it shattered my mirror into a thousand different pieces.
But I realized it still reflected and as I leaned in over the floor where it lay –
I found myself.

I struggled to find the keys to unlock this cage
and when I found it,
I left its doors wide open,
even though the wind sometimes blows it closed.

I saw expectation murder hope.
I forgave it and let it go.
My hope still lives from beyond the grave
like a ghost haunting my life.

I saw egos as gardens and learned:
Some humans keep them tidy and beautiful,
others don’t.

I saw words as more than merely letters
and sentences more than these words.
They were ancient pin pricks of light
like stars piercing the blanket of night,
making it more than just heavy but beautiful too.

I observed seasons in everything;
from harsh stormy winters to beautiful lush summers
and depending where one is located in life,
we sometimes see winters all year-long.

I felt this year was a day.
Every two hours – a month.
I slept for at least six of those hours,
but I’m awake now.
I saw the hours for what they were
and now I await for a beautiful sunrise.


Wishing you ALL a happy safe New Year. Although your year may have been incredibly shite, reflect on what you have experienced and hopefully you can take away something positive from the negative. Remember that truth is a bigger duality and we are often too small to see it, we get glimpses and slices which we see as good or bad. There is no right and wrong, only lessons and I do hope you have all learned yours. All the best for 2014.


Right of admission reserved.

Be a metaphor today. Be something more than just a human.

Today I am the universe’s smallest library, continuously looking for new material.
There is no copyright in my library, but you should always respect the books. It is impossible to steal them, but you are encouraged to use the photocopier. Take the copies to your library and keep your edited books and encouraged piracy there. Do not leave an unnecessary mess and do not create an unnecessary disturbance in my library. I will always clean up the mess, but you shall not be permitted to enter again. Today I am a library and if you so choose, you may pick out any book to read. But who these days truly has the time and patience to read entire books? Right of admission reserved.

What are you today?

Moments gone

How easy it is for us to let a moment slip away. Sometimes I feel that much of our time is spent thinking of the “what coulds” and “what ifs” and on the other side we reminisce of what has been and we tend to yearn for the past. Time is continuous and moments are forever slipping away, but I think the point is to be conscious of the moment and experience it for what it’s worth before it gets shrugged off as another second, minute, hour, week or year. Hold the moment just a bit tighter and be a bit more conscious of it all. I try to wring the moment from time as it washes away and I want you there with me…IMG_20131103_063519[1]



Life for me at times is summer camp at 5AM and I am ten years old.
I’m awake.
I tiptoe around sleeping bodies that talk in their sleep.
I remain quiet.
The only other ones awake are the naughty kids.
The ones that dare seek adventure in the dark.
These are the ones I stir with
with whispers and muffled laughter.
The sun is about to rise and we all should want to see it.
The appeal of sleep and dreams are too strong for most of the kids.
So there I sit,
on top of a mountain with kids who dare to play before the light of day,
Just to watch the sunrise.


Projections of projections.
Two mirrors in parallel, reflecting each other to infinity.
That is all anything is.
Ripples and echoes of great concepts and archetypes.
Fundamental cosmic truths that become more complex with each ripple giving rise to chaos, which has become this physical manifestation.
The ripples are still there to observe and to learn from.
At the heart of every physical shell and husk resides a great concept. It is inescapable.
It is the cause, we and our existence, are the effect.
It is the reason we are.

Call it what you must

It is an all-encompassing white light.

We each are the mirrors, prisms and crystals;

reflecting, refracting and projecting who and what we are.

We complicate the white light by refracting into a spectrum of colours and then

reflect and project beautiful,

chaotic rainbows – a feast for the senses.

The chaos is an effect. An illusion.

It is in essence the same white light that encompasses all.

An Ocean


If anything, life is a vast ocean. Constantly moving, swelling and crashing. And just like the weather doesn’t only affect one drop, it affects vast regions of ocean. You and I? We are the humble boats, luxury yachts and big corporate tankers. It matters not what you have as cargo. It can be two creatures in a boat with nothing more than raincoats and umbrellas. I’ve seen galleons and massive tankers succumb to violent storms only to be swallowed by the ocean, precious cargo and all. The wake the bigger vessels create, affects the others, especially the humble boats. They don’t care. They care too much for their precious cargo, even if it destroys them and this ocean we are all sailing.

So what is it that we are doing adrift this vast, endless ocean? I suspect to find dry land. A place to call home. A place that offers a little relief from the storms and sea-sickness. No doubt we will eventually get wet. That is life. A rain drop. A drop of ocean.
Why find steady shores? Well,for one, we cannot survive indefinitely at sea and I for one, find the wake of other vessels, both large and small and the unnecessary violent storms, are making me sea sick. The crests and troughs are making me vomit. Vomit from excitement, vomit from pain, vomit from love, vomit from the asshole corporate tankers creating unnecessary wakes in peaceful lakes and it makes me sick. Sometimes I want to drop anchor and feel my feet on solid ground. Feel the sand on my feet and try keep some food down before I empty myself and contract scurvy.
How very often the storms and wakes causes us to focus on the nausea, the ups and downs and the bailing of water from out our boat, that we rarely observe the nature of the weather itself. Eventually we will get drenched and not every storm can be avoided, but surely we can see the tell tale signs of those storms that can wreck our boats so we can make appropriate calls?

So what of life? There is no right answer, only lessons. I have learned not to become overly preoccupied with our boats, luxury yachts, tankers and cargoes. Interact with the ocean and appreciate the weather, sail the rough patches, get wet, avoid unnecessary storms and search for dry lands.
Be wary who you allow on-board and who you bail out water for. There are vessels out there that have holes in their hulls and yet their cargo is at capacity and all they seem to do on this ocean is continuously bail water from their boat and remain static and lost at sea. No time to search for land. No time for home.

Sail the oceans and seas, drop anchor in a lake, find that dry land and know that you leave a wake behind you.