A letter to my sum total

Dedicated to the desolation of Smaug…

My dearest Heart and Body,

I felt as though I should write you both this letter before we endure this journey together. I am the eldest of us and I’ve been through this process before, and I feel that perhaps these words will some how help prepare us in some unconscious way, at some point in the future.

The three of us are all separate beings, yet at the same time, we are one. We exist in a realm of free will (to some extent) and even though I have experienced this before, it is different and I too will be learning new lessons because of the two of you. Together we make up a dynamic being, both seen and unseen. We are a balance of our separate selves – a synergy, but believe me there will be times where one of us will be predominant and take lead. We will all have countless chances and we will all learn and share from each others mistakes and glories – this is what pushes and evolves us through the consequences of those results, but remember we experience it all together. We will each feel the effects of each others choices and actions. At times we may even betray each other unknowingly as we each speak different languages. You won’t understand it at first, but conditions and environment play a major part in our dynamic and being, and we each will want to react differently. Hopefully over time we will become more in tune with one another and realize we are bigger than our separate selves, then hopefully truth will shine through like a back-lit canopy casting light sparingly on the shadows of our periphery. In time hopefully we become brighter – that is my hope for us.

To my heart, you are the most sacred of things in this life, the being we want to protect the most as you are the most fragile yet malleable. Our dear Body fears for your fragility and I fear of the potential of your malleability. This will eventually cause us to disagree on certain topics and affect our decisions which we choose together and experience together. Heart, you will experience the brunt of our choices, the effect of which has the ability to shape, mend and bend you, even to the point of shattering. The effects on you affects our Body and myself in different ways. The way in which you shape is incredibly important to the sum total of us. You will break, bend and mend to varying degrees, on seemingly differing levels of importance. You must be aware of the shape you cool yourself into, because sometimes you will bend into a shape that causes cuts and wounds and if, like metal, you cool down into that serrated shape it becomes difficult to cause a fire and heat in order to be able to mend and round your vicious edges. Sometimes you may bend unwillingly, unknowingly or naively into a shape you don’t like or other hearts, bodies and souls may not like. Sometimes you won’t know any better and are at the mercy of elements in the realm of our Body. Our Body should look after you, but it too is its own being and has free will. Sometimes our Body may betray us in moments of weakness, but we should not be too hard on it as we are responsible for its conditioning. We are a dynamic synergy and we are responsible as a whole, even though we are separate free-willed beings. The catch, my dear Heart and Body, is that to learn, condition and evolve each of ourselves together as one, requires experiences which predominantly takes place in the realm of our dear and fearless Body. That is where our Body is king, just as emotion is your realm, Heart, and ideals are mine. We work separately and as one – I cannot stress this enough.

To my fearless Body, you are our doorway to the collective reality of this life. You are the youngest and less experienced of the three of us and your conditioning and quality of life is largely mine and our Heart’s responsibility. Remember, you have free will and sometimes you will not always abide to our wishes. You and our heart share a close relationship, one that I will not always understand, and I know there will be times when the two of you will conspire against me and my ideals. We each have our strengths and weaknesses, like every being in existence. I have a foresight that the two of you won’t necessarily be able to recognize and due to the lack of foresight the two of you share, you will rebel and we will lose balance within our dynamic. Hopefully we learn in those times of crises. The only way to regain balance is for the three of us to come to an unspoken compromise that can only be attained in time, experience and sacrifice. We should become purposeful and disciplined but at the same time we cannot be overly hard on ourselves and each other, as evolution takes time and to evolve means learning and to learn means the destruction of one ideal and the creation of a new, better one. That is where I serve the both of you. Within my realm time is an illusion and that is something the both of you will struggle to understand. Time is a necessity for evolution and because you don’t posses the foresight and understanding I have, the effect of time is different for you and it will cause you to make decisions and act out in ways that may not be intended, and this is where Karma works. Karma is an extraneous force and being, which the three of us won’t fully understand, but it is necessary for everyone’s evolution. No human or being of any kind is exempt from its laws. We may at times like it, or not like it but it is there. It is not about winning or losing, but learning and understanding which makes Karma one of the greatest teachers, should we be able to see and identify when it is at work…and it is always working.

Dear Body, you are physically the strongest and you bare the brunt of living in the accepted collective reality and therefore you are perceived more real than your Heart and I – this is your weakness. You have an ego and it often tells you that you are the only one that matters, this hurts your heart and myself, because there will be countless times that your ego will get in the way and distort whatever limited foresight you have, causing you to make decisions without your heart and I having any say. This is to be expected, but also realize that is not necessarily who you are. You are part of a sum total of three – you, your heart and me. Those moments of crises will come, where bad judgment and vulnerability will cause you to manifest actions that will affect not only you, but me and our precious heart too, even the hearts of other beings can be affected by your actions.
Body, you are powerful and your actions are powerful, so be careful how you express yourself as it has very real effects on us and on others. Having said that, it is mine and our Heart’s responsibility to teach and condition you and hopefully sooner rather than later your ego will wane and you will know there is more than you – that there is more than just the three of us. Sometimes we will forget that.
The past does matter and so do consequences. Why does it matter? It matters because the past, with the aid of Karma and consequences, teaches us and hopefully we learn. Hopefully I never fail the both of you with my ideals that you cannot see. Heart, hopefully with my ideals and lessons of consequences, Karma and the past, you shape yourself into a beautiful shape that is unwavering yet compassionate. This shape that you create yourself into colours and conditions our beloved body and your shape, my dearest Heart, is more so my responsibility than our Body’s. I will try not fail you, as I hope that the both of you don’t fail me, and when we do fail one another, be loving, compassionate and understanding and learn from our mistakes. We are an ecosystem. I am you and you are me, we are one, even though each of us are free.

Here’s to our voyage, to our glories, our failures and the lessons and consequences each one brings and as time passes may it bring us closer together making us evermore one, not only with each other, but with those other ecosystems and sum totals that are in existence. To those other ecosystems and sum totals of bodies, hearts and souls that may feel our effects negatively, we are truly sorry and remorseful.

Here’s to the journey, may we become more evolved and better equipped as it unfolds. I love you all.

All my love


Passing thoughts…

There was a time when words held wisdom and a picture spoke a thousand words.
Now words hold half-truths for the betterment of entertainment and the demise of reality.
A picture or photograph no longer speak a thousand words,
They are now nothing more than images holding up glamoured perfection.
Perfection is in the glamour and we have swallowed it whole.
To err is human and this we have forgotten.
Perfection is not precise, it is the free movement of life.
It’s the small inconsistencies that give character, uniqueness and individuality – That is the perfection,
The intentional movement of life and the self-correction of that which hinders the greater good
and each subjective experience is unique and individual, giving rise to character.
That is perfection – The infinite possibilities of free subjects.
Are we free?
Or have we indoctrinated ourselves into the  glamoured ideals of perfection and product?

To err is human and perfection takes time. Have we forgotten patience too?

We, the kaleidoscopes

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That is all we are I reckon.
All slightly different kaleidoscopes viewing various, distorted shapes of life.
I believe truth is the sum total.
Because our existence and reality is so subjective and our scope of higher-intelligent understanding is so narrow, we tend to collect little shards of truth through life via experiences.
At best we will get a slice –  A lesson of the sum total.

We then try with our conscious and subconscious effort to make sense of these shards of truth,
arranging them as we see fit and what makes sense to our subjective reality.
Due to the fact that at this point in our evolution we are so subjective and individually minded (and largely ego-centric, if you will) that we often forget that the next person experienced a different shard or slice of the sum total of truth to what you, or anyone else has.

As time goes on these collection of slices and shards take personal or subjective shape.
We are continuously shifting and moving pieces next to one another and it often seems random and abstract, because we often don’t get to experience the various wholes of the truth in one life time, but it is no less beautiful.
This kaleidoscope of mismatched, disjointed and Subjective-abstract truth looks incredible.
Full of various colours and shapes and each kaleidoscope sees a different distortion of truth.

As beautiful and entertaining as the expression of each kaleidoscope is, we must bear in mind that it is an illusion and often the real truth lies outside the scope of the kaleidoscope.
Perhaps if we were consciously and willingly to shift our perception and challenge and add to the shards we have each collected, we could put down the kaleidoscope and see reality for what it really is.

So what is my point?
We are individual entities and expressions of truth. We evolve into an individual personality, but it will get to the point where intelligence evolves too. Hopefully at that point more and more will realize with a conscious intelligence that we are individuals part of the sum total, just like we ourselves, on an individual level, are the sum total of our experiences of truth.

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Love. Attraction. Free will.

The truth about love lies in its quality and nature, which I believe is magnetism and free will. The attraction by itself doesn’t qualify as love. That is the effect it has. For there to be true love, free will must be abound.
The attraction is the effect, but for love to complete its duality and combine as one, self-sacrifice must be practised.  Self-sacrifice arises from free will – a free willingness to be in love and with love. Once this is acknowledged, accepted and practised, true love will manifest. And just like magnets they will be naturally drawn together and naturally bonded. The bond depends on the magnets. Some magnets are stronger than others.
The truth about human love is that there is no special person just for you. We are all like magnets. We are all capable to repel and attract on various levels and intensities. That attraction cannot be qualified as love. When self-sacrifice arises from that free will to be with another because you share a physical, emotional and mental bond, then the law of cause and effect or give and take can take effect. It brings about a marriage and a bond. A duality – The one becomes two and the two become one.
I suppose the quality of the connection depends on the kind of magnet you are.


Projections of projections.
Two mirrors in parallel, reflecting each other to infinity.
That is all anything is.
Ripples and echoes of great concepts and archetypes.
Fundamental cosmic truths that become more complex with each ripple giving rise to chaos, which has become this physical manifestation.
The ripples are still there to observe and to learn from.
At the heart of every physical shell and husk resides a great concept. It is inescapable.
It is the cause, we and our existence, are the effect.
It is the reason we are.

The trees taught her how to love

This is somewhat of a part two to yesterdays post, “The truth about love”. Hope you enjoy…

It lay heavy on her heart and occupied much of her thoughts. It had been nearly three weeks since she left. She needed to escape the maelstrom life was dealing her. She had been staying with her sister in a semi-rural area on the outskirts of the suburbs. The area was lush and beautiful. This is what she needed. Some time away to clear her mind and bring some kind of focus back to her life.

It was a Sunday and she had laid in bed the entire day staring at the ceiling. The time on her phone said 16:23. She forced herself out of bed and into the shower. She stood under the warm water, allowing it to cascade over her entire body, wishing it would wash away all her troubles and worries.

She decided to at least try enjoy the last few hours of sunlight before Monday came. She climbed in her car and drove. She drove in silence, appreciating the natural beauty of the area. The late afternoon sky glowed a warm yellow, making the trees and plants seem even more beautiful. She smiled. She could still see the beauty in times of chaos. Her eyes fell on her hands on the steering wheel and moved toward her wedding band. She began feeling the sadness well up inside her. She saw an open field with one big tree standing tall and decided to pull to the side of the road and get out. She could feel the tears wanting to escape.

She walked over to the big tree standing gloriously in the afternoon light. There was a slight breeze causing her branches and leaves to dance. She could feel the life the tree possessed, even though it stood in an open field with only dry grass as company. She looked upon the big tree and wept. She sobbed silently as her tears fell to the dry grass.

Further down the road there was a man riding a beat-up old bicycle. The stranger saw her standing in the field, staring at the big tree and decided to stop and join her. The stranger walked up next to her with his bicycle at his side, but kept his sights fixed upon the tree.

Beautiful, isn’t she?”

She turned toward the elder stranger and nodded with tearful eyes and managed to force a smile. The stranger must have been in his fifties. He wore a brown coat and fedora and rode an old rusted bicycle. The stranger never once took his sights off the big tree. He stood there beside her, gazing upon its greatness.

The tree’s beauty is certainly worthy of your tears. A tree can tell you the most beautiful story of love, yet can also tell you a sorrowful story. Perhaps you weep for its beautiful love story, or maybe you weep for its tale of sorrow. Either way, each story is a face of love.”

She stood silent, looking up at the tree while her tears streamed down her now rosy cheeks. She didn’t say a word.

I don’t think you weep for the tree’s beauty, I think you weep for love. Love and its different faces are important to learn and experience. One of the greatest teachers of love are the trees, they can teach you how to love, you know.”

The stranger paused. She smiled through teary eyes.

Love can be confusing, and when there is too much confusion it is harder for love to flow. The trees stand proud in love. They love unconditionally. They provide shelter for many animals and insects out of love. The animals take of their fruit and still, season after season they provide shelter and food. There is a sorrowful side to a tree’s love too. The trees love so much so, that they provide all Earth’s life with oxygen. The trees love us enough to give us breath of life, and how do we return the love? By cutting and felling them for our use. By demolishing forests to make way for malls, houses and any other way we like to show off. Despite all the pain we cause, we still breath. The trees show dedication, devotion and sacrifice to all life on Earth. May we all love like the trees.”

The stranger didn’t so much as make eye-contact with her as he turned his bicycle around and wheeled it back toward the road. She stood there staring at the beautiful tree as she thought about what the stranger had said. The tears rolled from her eyes, but the sobbing had seized. She glanced down at the wedding band on her finger, and although she still felt a certain sadness, she still smiled. She tried to appreciate this particular face of love.

Before she walked back to her car she looked upon the big tree one last time. She was thankful the tree practised dedication, devotion and sacrifice. Because of that, she had breath in her lungs and she realised that it was those things that gave breath to love.  


There is beauty teeming in your unknown.

You cannot see it, because you are too close.

You are the humble caterpillar, unsure of your future; hearing rumours from others about your greatness.

You don’t accept your beauty because you cannot see it.

I, the inquisitive child, await to see the rebirth of ordinary from the rumours of others.

Patience of evolution will eventually show your true colours, your destiny.

That destiny is far more beautiful than any.

Your destiny is truth, and there is nothing more beautiful than truth.

You are truth.

All you need is patience.


© Observing Vessel