Puzzles

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You and I are puzzles residing in a greater puzzle.
Let’s align our pieces. Make a shape to make a picture, because without us solving for our individual puzzle, we can’t expect to see the bigger picture whether that bigger picture is two puzzles or the sum total of every existing thing.

The abstract, chaotic pieces are there, we just need to make sense of them and shift them in to place, maybe then we will see not puzzles, but art – as life should be seen.

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My rhythmic personality

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My rhythmic personality.

At the moment of birth I was given a body, it just so happened to be a drumkit. It was complete with faculties I never thought I’d use and used some faculties in ways I would never have thought.
This body changed as time went on experiencing its infancy, childhood, teens and a portion of adult hood, which has caused me to reminisce and take it all in; its evolution up to its present and what it means to me in its entirety, in the hopes of perceiving some personality in something most consider inanimate.

I feel otherwise.

The hi-hats and cymbals are the vehicles for this body’s intelligence and imagination. With it the possibilities of latent beats are carried. They hold a dynamic range of emotions with an ability of precognition which gives the rest of its body anticipation with crashes and washes of promise and hope.
This rhythm has a pulse to it. A heart beat. That which punctuates the rhythms with life. This is the bass drum, my heart.
With the intelligence rhythmically calling notes, it stirs the imagination causing motion. Yearning to be expressed it calls for a life and my heart replied with a beat and it casually yet purposefully punctuates the rhythm.
It now lives but yet still desires more. This rhythm wants a voice. Something it can share that others will hear. The snare speaks life into a morse-code of repitions to those who listen.

These are my voice, heart and intelligence divinely giving birth to the rhythm. This rhythm has moods and moods are cyclic and those moods are toms and cymbals. The line is often blurred between intelligence and mood and hopefully I learn where that balance is.
Each tom and cymbal is a facet of mood and with each other faculty of its body; each is a facet of #rhythm and personality. How that personality or rhythm is expressed is infinite in possibility.

This #drumkit and the rhythms it produces is very much alive and is a life abstractly rather similar to its human counterpart and those who read this.

Push n pull

You feel it don’t you? That magnetism beneath and within your material body. That indescribable, subtle feeling that you can’t put your finger on, but its effects are very much felt and witnessed. I feel it. Because it is so subtle and intangible, it gives me the illusion that nothing can be done about this unidentified cause of feeling. It’s the subjective battlefield we all are fighting on and this war cannot be won on the dense, physical plane. This conflict will only be resolved on the plane of intelligence; the mental wrestling of our internal, subjective turmoil. It is separate from any other’s war, but believe me, the effects of this internal, spiritual, if you will, will be felt, seen and experienced in our conscious physical life.

I have found creativity to be a tool to help instill a balance to this inner turmoil. The whole process of creativity, if you think about it, is incredible, beautiful and symbolic. The process of creativity itself is peppered with analogous concepts of life and evolution. Art and creativity then becomes something more than just a pleasing, objective expression. If done “correctly” (and I use this term loosely, as I believe there is no such thing as “correct” art or a “correct” expression) and if the mind is involved equally as much as the mechanical motions to objectively create art, it becomes a tool for healing, and with the risk of sounding like an acid-dropping hippie, a means to expand our individual consciousness and this, I believe, adds (or detracts) to the collective human consciousness.

I like to think of creativity as a form of purposeful, intentional activity; activity with a purpose. I have various tools or outlets for my creativity and each one has various effects and results. My main outlets for creativity are reading, writing, photography and music.
Is reading creative? I guess that depends on how and what you read. Reading is more associated with entertainment, but I say it too can be creative. I have found each one of these outlets work efficiently in different times for different means. I have found in periods of inactivity reading works best. I find myself like a sponge, drawing in on other’s perception and understanding – something to challenge my thought and understanding. I find when I am ready and filled with this external inspiration and aspiration my other tools are at the ready to help me comprehend and objectively and creatively have my artistic say of the condition of my personal internal struggle.

As some of you know I thoroughly enjoy writing my piece of mind, and there are periods where that facet of me is inactive, such as it has been recently. The focus of my expression has shifted lately and my photographic facet has taken over. I have paid attention to my photography, slowly improving my craft as well as finding my own unique expression within this art form.
So I decided to create a new blog; A new life for my photography. I felt it unfair to try fit all expressions within this blog as this blog has evolved into a life of its own and I fully intend to keep on exploring it. For those of you who are interested in my photographic side of my expression, please do visit my site and follow. It is still in its infancy and will hopefully grow and flourish as this blog has done. I’m feeling a change too, so I am looking at revamping this blog and giving it a new look and feel.

If you are interested, please check out my new photography blog and portfolio here.

May you all identify when life pushes and pulls you and make the choice right for you, because there is no right and wrong only consequences. Such is the duality of cause and effect, a concept we cannot escape in this material life. Try ride life’s crests and troughs best you can…

A letter to my sum total

Dedicated to the desolation of Smaug…

My dearest Heart and Body,

I felt as though I should write you both this letter before we endure this journey together. I am the eldest of us and I’ve been through this process before, and I feel that perhaps these words will some how help prepare us in some unconscious way, at some point in the future.

The three of us are all separate beings, yet at the same time, we are one. We exist in a realm of free will (to some extent) and even though I have experienced this before, it is different and I too will be learning new lessons because of the two of you. Together we make up a dynamic being, both seen and unseen. We are a balance of our separate selves – a synergy, but believe me there will be times where one of us will be predominant and take lead. We will all have countless chances and we will all learn and share from each others mistakes and glories – this is what pushes and evolves us through the consequences of those results, but remember we experience it all together. We will each feel the effects of each others choices and actions. At times we may even betray each other unknowingly as we each speak different languages. You won’t understand it at first, but conditions and environment play a major part in our dynamic and being, and we each will want to react differently. Hopefully over time we will become more in tune with one another and realize we are bigger than our separate selves, then hopefully truth will shine through like a back-lit canopy casting light sparingly on the shadows of our periphery. In time hopefully we become brighter – that is my hope for us.

To my heart, you are the most sacred of things in this life, the being we want to protect the most as you are the most fragile yet malleable. Our dear Body fears for your fragility and I fear of the potential of your malleability. This will eventually cause us to disagree on certain topics and affect our decisions which we choose together and experience together. Heart, you will experience the brunt of our choices, the effect of which has the ability to shape, mend and bend you, even to the point of shattering. The effects on you affects our Body and myself in different ways. The way in which you shape is incredibly important to the sum total of us. You will break, bend and mend to varying degrees, on seemingly differing levels of importance. You must be aware of the shape you cool yourself into, because sometimes you will bend into a shape that causes cuts and wounds and if, like metal, you cool down into that serrated shape it becomes difficult to cause a fire and heat in order to be able to mend and round your vicious edges. Sometimes you may bend unwillingly, unknowingly or naively into a shape you don’t like or other hearts, bodies and souls may not like. Sometimes you won’t know any better and are at the mercy of elements in the realm of our Body. Our Body should look after you, but it too is its own being and has free will. Sometimes our Body may betray us in moments of weakness, but we should not be too hard on it as we are responsible for its conditioning. We are a dynamic synergy and we are responsible as a whole, even though we are separate free-willed beings. The catch, my dear Heart and Body, is that to learn, condition and evolve each of ourselves together as one, requires experiences which predominantly takes place in the realm of our dear and fearless Body. That is where our Body is king, just as emotion is your realm, Heart, and ideals are mine. We work separately and as one – I cannot stress this enough.

To my fearless Body, you are our doorway to the collective reality of this life. You are the youngest and less experienced of the three of us and your conditioning and quality of life is largely mine and our Heart’s responsibility. Remember, you have free will and sometimes you will not always abide to our wishes. You and our heart share a close relationship, one that I will not always understand, and I know there will be times when the two of you will conspire against me and my ideals. We each have our strengths and weaknesses, like every being in existence. I have a foresight that the two of you won’t necessarily be able to recognize and due to the lack of foresight the two of you share, you will rebel and we will lose balance within our dynamic. Hopefully we learn in those times of crises. The only way to regain balance is for the three of us to come to an unspoken compromise that can only be attained in time, experience and sacrifice. We should become purposeful and disciplined but at the same time we cannot be overly hard on ourselves and each other, as evolution takes time and to evolve means learning and to learn means the destruction of one ideal and the creation of a new, better one. That is where I serve the both of you. Within my realm time is an illusion and that is something the both of you will struggle to understand. Time is a necessity for evolution and because you don’t posses the foresight and understanding I have, the effect of time is different for you and it will cause you to make decisions and act out in ways that may not be intended, and this is where Karma works. Karma is an extraneous force and being, which the three of us won’t fully understand, but it is necessary for everyone’s evolution. No human or being of any kind is exempt from its laws. We may at times like it, or not like it but it is there. It is not about winning or losing, but learning and understanding which makes Karma one of the greatest teachers, should we be able to see and identify when it is at work…and it is always working.

Dear Body, you are physically the strongest and you bare the brunt of living in the accepted collective reality and therefore you are perceived more real than your Heart and I – this is your weakness. You have an ego and it often tells you that you are the only one that matters, this hurts your heart and myself, because there will be countless times that your ego will get in the way and distort whatever limited foresight you have, causing you to make decisions without your heart and I having any say. This is to be expected, but also realize that is not necessarily who you are. You are part of a sum total of three – you, your heart and me. Those moments of crises will come, where bad judgment and vulnerability will cause you to manifest actions that will affect not only you, but me and our precious heart too, even the hearts of other beings can be affected by your actions.
Body, you are powerful and your actions are powerful, so be careful how you express yourself as it has very real effects on us and on others. Having said that, it is mine and our Heart’s responsibility to teach and condition you and hopefully sooner rather than later your ego will wane and you will know there is more than you – that there is more than just the three of us. Sometimes we will forget that.
The past does matter and so do consequences. Why does it matter? It matters because the past, with the aid of Karma and consequences, teaches us and hopefully we learn. Hopefully I never fail the both of you with my ideals that you cannot see. Heart, hopefully with my ideals and lessons of consequences, Karma and the past, you shape yourself into a beautiful shape that is unwavering yet compassionate. This shape that you create yourself into colours and conditions our beloved body and your shape, my dearest Heart, is more so my responsibility than our Body’s. I will try not fail you, as I hope that the both of you don’t fail me, and when we do fail one another, be loving, compassionate and understanding and learn from our mistakes. We are an ecosystem. I am you and you are me, we are one, even though each of us are free.

Here’s to our voyage, to our glories, our failures and the lessons and consequences each one brings and as time passes may it bring us closer together making us evermore one, not only with each other, but with those other ecosystems and sum totals that are in existence. To those other ecosystems and sum totals of bodies, hearts and souls that may feel our effects negatively, we are truly sorry and remorseful.

Here’s to the journey, may we become more evolved and better equipped as it unfolds. I love you all.

All my love

Soul

Mist

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The mist was thick, hazy and encompassing.
Little could be seen and plenty unknown.
The great void lay beyond and although I could not see it, it could be sensed.
In the dense haze at the world’s edge I realized I forgot much,
perhaps too much.
Such is the toll for living choices
And even though there were four main lights that night,
All it took was one to show me that I’m still afraid…

Morning ocean musings

There I stood, still in the shadow of all that was man and human, before the sun could warm itself, looking out at an ocean – swelling like a heart full of love;
hoping that something bigger, something more than what I had become would rise out of its waters to comfort me
but all I felt was the sea spit in my face as it broke its answer over the edge
And as I stood I wondered if there was a crustacean or clown fish on the floor of this swelling heart that wondered, hoped and felt the same as I…

Mount Ego

It took me four years just to muster up the courage to meet the foot of the mountain.

Its vastness was intimidating and I thought it impossible to conquer.

I have trekked and hiked up large hills and mountains before,

each bringing its struggles and there were times I thought I could no longer endure

yet here I am.

Those paled in comparison to this.

Two years and still I’m climbing, hiking and struggling

yet progress has been made.

The higher I get the harder it is for me to breathe and I lose sight.

My legs ache, heart sore and home nowhere.

It has been so long, I am forgetting where and what home is,

yet still I continue.

Home is made each night on the side of the mountain at varying altitudes.

The cold is so bitter that I wish to become ice

just so I don’t have to feel the difference.

In the dead of night when light, wind and temperature work against me

I find myself unable to sleep.

So I reminisce.

I think back to how it was before the journey.

The mountain I knew was always there, I just never bothered to conquer it.

As I reminisce I feel a vortex in my chest, a black hole, an unplugged drain

swallowing the bubbles in the bath and it makes me feel seven years old again

and I am being scolded.

On this mountain there is no double-bunk-blanket-fort to go hide inside, cry and pity myself.

The sun eventually rises but it does little for the icy cold and bitterness on the tip of my tounge

until I decide I am up and about, moving and burning.

Still I am here.

I am so sure that the summit is close, but I will never be certain till I arrive.

What I am certain of is the higher I climb the more I see

and the more I see, the less there is of me.

I am a speck on Mount Ego.

The mountain is vast yet the horizons stretch further and vaster than any mountain

and I question “why?”

The answer simply is that there is more to existence than just you and I and these mountains and hills we traverse

and to truly comprehend this, one has to journey step by step,

higher altitude to higher altitude

to witness that which we are merely a speck a part of.

Perhaps the summit is not my immediate goal,

perhaps the steadily broadening view is what I need

to make order out of this chaos.